Last week, I wrote a blog post about my experience of the ephemerality of the dance. I was devastated, before stumbling across footage that had been taken by someone in the crowd at the show, that most of my dance career had not been captured and shared (footage in my video library). This devastation had me asking many questions to which answers seemed readily available. The one question that popped up more often than ads on YouTube is this: “What are you going to do about it, how are you going to respond to this?” It is the confrontation with this question that facilitates growth.
My sister, Tenille, who always has a word of encouragement packing and ready for anyone who needs it, said that there was a reason why it was all happening this way and that there was something greater awaiting me. My husband, Egan, alerted me to the fact that I have access to resources that many other dancers don’t. I have the ability to speak and write about dance in an academic setting through my dissertation, presentations and publications. This is how I leave my legacy, or at least one way of doing it. In addition, I have resources readily available to me on campus as UJ Staff to share my love for and knowledge of dance with students. Essentially, a tree cannot consume its own fruit. Therefore, our gifts are not for us, but for others. Perhaps this experience is calling for the release of all the dance I have left inside of me. God knows what will become of that. All I know is, it’s exciting!
Now, I could have allowed my devastation to swallow me, which I believe is how people fall into depression, by staying down. I believe that there are very few things we can control. Fortunately, our thoughts, reactions and decisions are some of the few. Over the weekend, our worship pastor, Clayton Jardine, said that we each have a hand in the way our lives turn out; that we each have a role to play in the fulfillment of our destiny. More often than not, we find something or someone to blame for our circumstances, when really, our lives are generally a sum total of our own decisions. Our Apostle, Brandon Bailey, said in his sermon last week that we often get stuck in our greatest moments, sometimes our worst. We are so sentimentally attached to unhealthy flash backs that we fail to ask, “What’s next?” and move on (The video of this sermon is on my Facebook timeline). If you ask me, forward is the only direction God gave us because what we do now is all that matters.
So, what will I do now? I’m glad you ask. I’m going to write, I’m going to speak, I’m going to teach, I’m going to sing, I’m going to dance, I’m going to laugh and love, I am going to live! No matter what, I'm going to keep moving forward.
Instead of aging by saying “A few years ago, I used to be the best,” I will grow and ask, “What’s next?” I dare you to do the same.
“Choice determines direction, decision determines destiny” - Unknown
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